Sleepless nights become restful after couple seeks help from Fussy Baby program

Kevin and Stacey with their son, Nicholas.

As parents, we’ve all had those nights when our child couldn’t sleep and we felt so exhausted the next day that we could barely function. But could you imagine feeling that way for nearly 3 years? That’s what life was like for Stacey and Kevin until they sought help from Oakland Family Services’ Fussy Baby program.

From the day the couple brought their son, Nicholas, home from the hospital until he was nearly 3 years old, he didn’t sleep through the night. As an infant, he struggled with reflux issues so Stacey and Kevin would pace the hallways holding him and take turns rocking him to sleep. Gently and ever so quietly, they would place Nicholas in his crib. It wouldn’t be long, though, before he woke up screaming and they found themselves pacing the hallways and rocking him to sleep again.

By the time Nicholas was 2 years old, he didn’t wait for his parents to come back to his room. He just climbed out of his crib and ran into their bedroom screaming. Every night, Stacey brought him back to his bedroom, rocked him to sleep and placed him in his crib. She barely was asleep before Nicholas ran back into her bedroom screaming hysterically. Eventually, Stacey gave up and put Nicholas in their bed.

“We were at our wits’ end with each other,” Stacey recalled. “We were both exhausted. I was feeling resentful because I was still working. I was struggling on every front and felt like I didn’t have any healthy habits. I wasn’t being physically active. My eating wasn’t great. I was not taking care of myself because I was so tired. I always thought I was failing something or someone.”

“If you are a parent like me who didn’t know what else to do and feeling really hopeless and wondering if you are ever going to sleep or have 20 minutes of alone time, this is the right program for you.”

Out of ideas, the couple turned to the Fussy Baby program for help. Fussy Baby is a home-visiting program that assists parents with an infant or toddler who cries a lot or has difficulty sleeping, eating or calming down.

Stacey began meeting regularly with Pamela Coleman-Gay, an infant and family specialist with Fussy Baby, who offered different strategies to get Nicholas to sleep through the night. The first thing Stacey learned was that she needed to be consistent. She began by explaining to Nicholas that the bed in his room was for him and the bed in her room was for mommy and daddy. Every night when he woke up, she walked him right back to his room and explained his bed was where he needed to sleep.

“It was two to four weeks of what felt like parenting boot camp,” she said. “It  was worth it, but it was rough.”

Pam was coming to their home for about six months when the COVID-19 pandemic hit and the visits switched to virtual. Stacey was skeptical how the program would work, but was pleasantly surprised and grateful.

“If I didn’t have the services at all, I would have felt completely lost and overwhelmed and our progress would have gone several steps back,” she said.

“Having the program virtual is easy. You can log on and don’t have to worry about getting ready for your appointment. I could still be in my pajamas, drink coffee and have a conversation with Pam. Everything still operates the same way and all from the comfort of your home. When you are struggling with your child not sleeping, you do not care if services are in person or virtual as long as you are getting the tools you can use to help your child sleep better.”

Stacey has found the strength to help Nicholas find new ways to express his frustration. This has improved his behavior and made the relationship between her and Nicholas a happier time, according to Coleman-Gay.

“Nicholas can sleep in his own room without the need to frequently come into his parents' bedroom during the night,” she said. “His overall behavior has become less aggressive in most instances. Nicholas has started preschool and is doing well in his relationships with his peers and teachers. A good start to a bright future.”

Stacey learned about Fussy Baby while Nicholas was briefly receiving services though Oakland Family Services’ Early On program. At the time, Nicholas was having tantrums and needed help developing his social emotional skills. He also worked on exercises that helped strengthen his small muscles.

Stacey said she wished she would have known about the Fussy Baby program sooner.

“We’re sleeping a lot better,” she said. “It helped us realize the beauty of consistency and how our child needs that, especially when it comes to sleep.

“If you are a parent like me who didn’t know what else to do and feeling really hopeless and wondering if you are ever going to sleep or have 20 minutes of alone time, this is the right program for you,” she said.