National Adoption Awareness Month: Four siblings remain a family after finding loving foster/adoptive parents
Brittany, Nickolas, Ian, and Kaylie proudly display their adoption signs.
After 996 days in shelters and foster care, Brittany was adopted in August, and the best part is that her three siblings are also now a cherished part of her forever family!
After staying in a shelter twice and two different foster homes, Brittany arrived on Dec. 5, 2017, at Deidre and Sam’s foster home. The couple had already been fostering her two brothers, Nickolas and Ian, for the previous eight months. At the time, Nickolas was 5 years old, Ian 4 years old, and Brittany 9 years old. Their younger sister, Kaylie — who lived in two other foster homes — joined them 2 years later at age 4.
The children were split up after experiencing years of abuse and neglect. The boys had scars on their backs, the children were given little food, Ian was locked in a closet more than once, and Brittany grew up being exposed to substance use.
Brittany was stripped from having much of a childhood. She was like a mom in a child’s body, having to regularly rock her brothers and sister to sleep, dress them, and bathe them. After being separated from her siblings and moving from foster home to foster home and in and out of the shelter, her trauma manifested as defiance and anger. She would bite, hit and throw tantrums.
“Nobody really wanted to deal with her behavior, but I knew I could help her,” Deidre said. “She needs a lot of love and a lot of attention. She was like a mother raising kids. After we got her out of a shelter, I needed to teach her that she is not a parent and she is a kid. My babies have been through a lot, but they are so happy now and doing so much better.”
They officially became a family on Aug. 27 when Deidre and Sam’s adoption of all four children was finalized. Since COVID-19 restrictions prevented them from being in court, they surprised the kids that morning with a house full of balloons, “We’re adopted” T-shirts, and a celebratory breakfast at IHOP. Sam said he couldn’t imagine their lives without the kids.
“Once you start the process and get to know the children, it’s hard not to see how you couldn’t adopt them,” he said. “They are desperate for love, desperate for real parental guidance in their life, and it really comes across after knowing their background and stories.”
Foster parents Sam and Deidre.
With the love and support of Deidre and Sam, Brittany, Nickolas, Ian, and Kaylie are feeling more secure and happy. Through therapy, the children have learned different coping mechanisms that have improved their behavior. Nickolas now has more self-control when he gets angry. Ian has gone from an introvert to being more social. Brittany hasn’t been hitting and tells the truth. And Kaylie no longer throws tantrums.
“The boys love the outdoors and going fishing or just skipping rocks,” Deidre said. “They love to play basketball, soccer and baseball. Brittany loves to sing and do hair, and Kaylie loves ballet and drawing pictures.
“I see the potential and future these kids can have, but it’s not easy. You have to be consistent and fight for these kids. They don’t know how to fight for themselves yet.”
Deidre is a huge advocate for foster parenting and spreads the word about the need for foster parents at every opportunity she can.
“These children already feel abandoned, scared, lost and not loved, and loneliness is the worst feeling any human should experience,” she said. “It’s the most devastating and scariest thing to go through. They need to have foster parents who can give them tender, loving care.”
Deidre has been taking care of kids since her early 20s. Before becoming a foster parent, she cared for eight children who were relatives over a period of time. She and Sam also were foster parents for five children through a different agency.
“I want these children to be treated like I want to be treated,” Deidre said. “I didn’t have my parents abandon me. I didn’t have to worry about not having a hot meal, shower or roof over my head. I wanted to give those things since we couldn’t have children. In the beginning it was very difficult, but I have never given up on my babies. I’m their advocate.”
Oakland Family Services has helped the Farmington Hills couple every step of the way through their foster care and adoption journey. Deidre said the agency has provided them the training and life skills needed for success.
“I can always pick up the phone and talk to somebody,” she said. “Our case workers have all been so supportive. They really cared for our family and weren’t just doing a job. They became a part of the family. Oakland Family Services is more than just an organization. They really treat you with respect and love. You are not just a number.”
Learn more about foster care and adoption at Oakland Family Services.