Treatment programs put mom, sons on track toward a brighter future
Clare and Chris with their sons, Bobby and Michael.
This story was originally published as part of Oakland Family Services’ 2020-21 annual report. Click here to read the full report.
Clare has been no stranger to depression. She first experienced it after the birth of her youngest son. She was given an antidepressant for what seemed like postpartum depression, but the symptoms came and went over the next 10 years.
The coronavirus pandemic sent her spiraling. Some days, she couldn’t get out of bed. Her depression “hung over the entire family like a shroud” and made it difficult to care for her children. Her husband picked up some slack, but struggled to work and manage the household alone.
“It felt like I was moving underwater, everything was so slow,” Clare said. “Even the littlest task during the day felt like it was so overwhelming and a huge, insurmountable task. Getting my kids dinner felt impossible.”
“It felt like I was moving underwater, everything was so slow. Even the littlest task during the day felt like it was so overwhelming and a huge, insurmountable task. Getting my kids dinner felt impossible.”
Clare is not alone. Across the U.S., depression and other mental health conditions have skyrocketed during the pandemic.
She also started to notice warning signs in her sons, 12-year-old Michael and 10-year-old Bobby. During school shutdowns, both struggled with isolation. They were irritable and disconnected. Michael had trouble with schoolwork, and Bobby began vocalizing anxious, obsessive thoughts.
Alarm bells went off when Bobby told Clare that, when someone gives him food or drink, he sometimes worried it may be poisoned.
“That caught my attention right away,” she said. “I got help for him first because that was the most pressing matter to me, and then I got my own therapy after that. I had to help myself to help my family, to help my children.”
Clare and both boys started individual counseling through Day One, Oakland Family Services’ mental health and substance use disorder treatment program.
Bobby later switched to Specialized Services for Youth, the agency’s program for youth age 6-21 with severe emotional, behavioral or psychological stress and their families. Among other supports, SSY provides home-based therapy.
“I really like that SSY comes out to the house,” Clare said. “I think that made it a lot easier for Bobby to trust [his therapist] because it was on his turf.”
Clare and Bobby also started seeing Oakland Family Services’ physician assistant for medication management. After some trial and error with different medications and dosages, they landed on a prescription that works for Bobby and a combination of two antidepressants for Clare.
Since beginning treatment, Clare, Michael and Bobby have all made progress.
Clare’s therapist helps her set small weekly goals and find time to connect with her husband and to do things she enjoys outside of being a stay-at-home mom and wife.
“I lost my own personal identity there for a while,” she said. “I’m trying to find hobbies and do things that I like for myself and trying to nourish my own needs and my own feelings just for me, not for anybody else. Now that I’m not sleeping all day with my depression, it’s making it a lot easier to do that.”
Both Michael and Bobby have become more open about their emotions. Michael’s work with Day One has helped him become more outgoing and confident, and Clare and her husband continue to look for ways to support him through middle school’s challenges.
Bobby and Michael
Bobby can now identify and label his obsessive thoughts. His therapists have helped him visualize what those thoughts might look like and imagine himself locking them away in a closet.
Although Clare sees growth in herself and her children, she still carries guilt about how her depression affected her family.
“My kids saw me lying in bed every day,” she said. “One of Bobby’s obsessive thoughts was that I don’t love him, and I wonder if that’s where that thought came from. I was just sitting with my own depression all the time, and I feel like that took away from time and precious moments with my children.”
While Clare can’t change the past, Day One and Specialized Services for Youth have helped put the whole family on track toward a brighter future.
“Mentally tough times don’t have to last forever,” she said. “Oakland Family Services was the beginning of a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel for me and my family. There is help out here in the community. We are a changed family for the better, thanks to Oakland Family Services.”
